Ronnie From Jerusalem / 2008

THINGS YOU NEVER LEARNED IN HEBREW SCHOOL:

1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.

3. No meal is complete without leftovers.

4. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on

       white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

5. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Nordstrom's.

6. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

7. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.

8. Next year in Jerusalem, the year after that, how about a nice cruise?

9. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

10. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.

11. WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never

      leave.

12. Always whisper the names of diseases.

13. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

14. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

15. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford

      it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.

16. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner

       at 4:00 PM in Florida, Atlantic City or where ever you go to eat

       dinner!!!
.
17. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only

    in Chinese restaurants.


18. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case...